There is nothing sexy about the #Hustle
I see you girl... over there with all your #HighVibes and #Hustle ... I know you well... I spent the majority of my 20’s running around with you... drinks with the girls, training for races, volunteering in the community, sitting on boards and committees, putting in more hours at work to advance your career... always staying #Busy and going after those #Goals... all that #Drive to get ahead, get in shape, get a partner, get noticed...
It was such a high to go that fast and it felt maintainable... until it wasn’t.
Somewhere along the way it shifted... more work, less movement, more fast food, weight gained, less sleep, irresponsible money management, less time for creativity... my #Hustle lifestyle began increasing my anxiety, overwhelm, fear, and panic.
I left no room for margin and rest... heck, I didn’t even know that those were things to leave room for, let alone prioritize them along the way. I was all in on a lifestyle where exhaustion was my status symbol and productivity was my self-worth. As Brené Brown so keenly identified in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, my self-worth was tied to my net worth, and I was basing my worthiness on my level of productivity.
The day came when my #Hustle came crumbling down at the mercy of #Anxiety and I couldn’t keep up anymore. I became paralyzed from anxiety and overwhelm. Has this ever happened to you?
I tried to suck it up and push through because EVERYONE on social media was all about the #BossLady #Ladypreneur #Mompreneur #MomBoss #HighVibe #Hustle. There was NO ONE out there talking about #SlowYourRole #GoSlowToYourGoal #BadassWithBoundaries #BoundaryBabe. It felt weak to admit the reality that I was struggling with my mental health. It felt like I was succumbing to #LimitingBeliefs when in reality I was just damn tired... #TiredAsaMother and I had to try something different. I had to slow the $#%! down.
Guess what happened when I slowed down, my life fell magically into place...
SAID NO ONE EVER... I slowed the $#%! down and was smacked in the face with an overwhelming feeling like I was going to fall way behind for going so slow, that I would never accomplish my goals, and that I was no longer impressive and nothing was enough! Yeah... big freaking SMACK of unworthiness!!!
My solution... GET FASTER AGAIN to get away from all these feelings... but my anxiety wouldn’t let me... so I did the next best thing... EAT MY FEELINGS... which was momentarily distracting, until I added more weight to the problem... physically and emotionally... and eventually I just had to STOP.
“If we want to live a Wholehearted life, we have to become intentional about cultivating sleep and play, and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth.” -Brené Brown
So, I found an incredible therapist who supported me while I sat with all my big feelings of unworthiness ... she helped me to slow down and SHOW UP for my life. She helped me to process my anxious feelings… really feel them... squirm with them... face them... and surrender and ease into a journey of letting go of exhaustion and productivity as badges of honor.
I moved THROUGH all my big scary feelings and built up my worthiness one affirming belief at a time:
‘I am worthy of love, belonging and connection’
‘I am enough’
‘I can do hard things’
I have learned how to give myself permission to go slow and let that be ok. I choose to believe that even though I am disappointed that I can’t hustle like I did, I am still enough and I trust the process.
I have also learned how to hustle in a way that is not paralyzing and debilitating. It is now momentum that has boundaries and self care strategies. I have learned how to trust myself, stay connected to my energy levels and know when I can do more and when I need rest and play.
I see you girl... over there with all your #HighVibes and #Hustle ... I know you well... let me introduce you to my friends... #SlowAndSexy #SlowYourRollToYourGoal #WorthinessIsYourBirthright #PermissionSlips #YouAreEnough #IAmEnough
